Uh-Oh, She Went Shopping Again...

As unfeminine as it might be to say so, I have never once derived pleasure from shoe shopping. Being a genuinely difficult fit doesn't help matters - eventually I figured out that my feet are are on the wide side, but I'm beginning to suspect that the front-to-back proportions are off as well.

But that's not the main issue. A fleeting moment of self-analysis led me to take special note of all my reactions in the shoe store the other day, and I think the observations demonstrate that the problem is totally me.

Completely unacceptable qualities in shoes:

• Heels narrower than a pencil (everyone walks stupidly in these, even the women who think they don't, and who, ironically enough, are the people who seem to own the most pairs of the tallest varieties).
  
  
• Wedge heels.
  
  
• Heels so high they make seasoned runway models literally cry in fear.
  
  
• No heels. (Ballet flats in their contemporary incarnation have only just started to not look completely repugnant to me every time I see them, though I still think they look gimmicky, in a hipster kind of way. (I warm slowly to broad shifts in look.) And there's nothing "comfortable" about walking all day on a pancake-flat sole, actually.)
  
  
• Platform soles.
  
  
• Soles or heels trimmed in wood, cork, rope or straw.
  
  
• Soles or heels stylized in any way.
  
  
• Being made of plastic.
  
  
• Any use of acrylic.
  
  
• Having the appearance of snakeskin, alligator, leopard skin or fur.
  
  
• Having the appearance of being made of anything other than cow skin tanned in the conventional manner.
  
  
• Square toes.
  
  
• Elf toes.
  
  
• Wannabe Earth Shoes.
  
  
• Attempting to exude the kind of irony portrayed by wingtip-inspired oxfords with four-inch Cuban heels.
  
  
• Athletic details on shoes other than those intended for wear during actual athletic activity.
  
  
• Bows.
  
  
• Any decorative element reminiscent of a cartoon character or a tattoo.
  
  
• Any decorative element that would be interesting to look at if not attached to the shoe. (Think outsized buckles.)
  
  
• Requiring more than two hands to put on or take off. (You'd think this one would do it for anybody.)
  
  
• Requiring more time and effort to put on or take off than the rest of the outfit combined.
  
  
• Requiring any attention or adjustment while being worn.
  
  
• Requiring maintenance in the form of occasional polishing, yet being a color in which shoe polish is not manufactured.
  
  
• Pretending not to be a shower shoe when it actually is.
  
  
• The potential for being cute, "with the right outfit." (Any garment requiring that condition is terminally underqualified.)
  
  
• Being interesting.
  
  
• Being boring.
  

• Being attractive to my sister the blond artist (don't worry, she already knows).
  
  
• Not fitting.

Do a Google Image search on shoes. Close your eyes and click at random. I will bet you any amount of money that what you find, I will hate. And yes, for the record 99% of what passes on criteria 1-25 fails on the last item, but no, I'm not whining about it. Of course not.

Yes, these are ugly, but, sadly, they're not alone.

Now, this is where your average gentleman, were he granted access to my closet (a hypothetical situation if ever there were one), would observe that, for someone who has so much trouble buying shoes, I own rather a lot of them. I can only respond that:

1. By the standards of my sex and type, I really don't. Really.
   
   
2. Most of them represent some kind of compromise.
   
   
3. My personal style doesn't accommodate shoes that are significantly incongruous with the rest of the outfit, and the differences between men's and women's fashion are such that achieving a functional wardrobe with a single pair of shoes would be multifold more difficult for us than for them.

So between all that and the whole Stuff Wears Out conspiracy, I kind of have to go shoe shopping.

Week 5 - Leftovers, and Wende is Difficult

This week in Chicagoland...

Lots of snow and bitter cold, plus the governor got arrested, which surprised no one but the governor himself, and upset no one but (possibly) his wife.

Me, I had a little Christmas party on Thursday, where we spent several hours wrapping a ton of gifts for various church benevolence projects. I also locked my keys in the car on Tuesday and spent the entire afternoon in a gas station a block away from my office - couldn't leave, of course, because I had to wait for the tow truck, which was slow in coming because we were in the middle of a snow storm and he doubtless had more desperate people to rescue. Convenient though, since I'd just come from the doctor, who told me my blood pressure was too low and ordered me to consume beverages and salty food. And what else is there to do in a gas station but just that?

Back to WT. Directives live here.

Breath - I piled my jewelry last year, and nothing much has changed since; Wende is correct in supposing that nothing else needs to be piled. I'm ok as this stuff goes.

Bones - Done. There's really nothing broken.

Head - Here's the thing - I've unconsciously moved away from neutrals on top almost completely, and toward bold colors most of the time. But a lot of my necklace wardrobe served as accent color when I wore more neutrals. I need to intentionally think through how things should pair up now. Either that, or add one or two more substantial, investment-type pieces in metals. Probably both.

Heart - Here's where Wende becomes difficult.

• Looking over the items from past weeks that suit you and make you happy (particularly the Superstars), what features (shape, color, fabric, etc.) define your personal style?
• If you had to sum up your personal style in 5 words or fewer, what would those words be?
• How does that style connect to your values?

Okay...

1. The consistently successful elements are:

• Strong color (usually solid)
  
• Uncomplicated design
• Moderate styling
  
• Soft but shaped construction
• Drape and flow
  
• Flexible formality (dress up/dress down ability)
• Natural fit and motion
• Disinclined to get in the way or call for attention while being worn
  

2. My personal style, as derived from the above, should probably be described as straightforward. Yes, I know Wende was more generous than Sally in descriptor allotment, but I came up with one word anyway.

3. How does this connect to my values?

Though I'd a thousand times rather live exclusively inside my skull, frolicking with ideas, when I do have to venture into the corporeal, I'm a rigorous pragmatist. I don't have much patience for idealism, and can be unsentimental to a degree some people consider frightening (or so I've been told). [Example: I hate Thanksgiving, because the conventional mode of celebration does absolutely nothing to encourage me to feel thankful. My preference would be to make it over to my specifications*, which is socially unacceptable because apparently most people have gotten their emotions all mixed in with great-aunt Gertrude's sweet potato recipe.]

My natural question, for most everything from holiday tradition to closet organization, is, does it work? It's an orientation could be mistaken for the barren, utilitarian aesthetic which is actually only characteristic of male engineers, but that isn't it at all. In truth, it's the high functionality - the "working-ness" - that delights me. It's eliminating the non-working-ness that gives me the charge of significance. This is why AT advice on storing unused extension cords neatly tied with grosgrain ribbons color-coordinated with your kitchen decor gives me hives. Rubber bands work; therefore, rubber bands make me happy. And by extension, opening the drawer to see a less functional but more attractive arrangement would actually make me unhappy.

So it's not that I don't have preferences about how things look, it's that those preferences include an aesthetic reaction to practicality. And yes, I think my "straightforward" style connects. Functionality notwithstanding, it would be different if I felt like playing games with my clothes. Some people do. But not me. I'm not really very much fun, but to the extent that I am, I prefer to play with my ideas, instead.


*Starting with swapping out the turkey for lobster, an idea I've been pushing for over a decade before it caught attention in the media this year as an economic choice, and which, for me, has nothing to do with the fact that the Pilgrims lived in New England, and everything to do with the fact that I don't like roasted turkey.

Week 4 - Shoes, Purses, Outerwear

Eventful times here in our corner of the blogosphere, aren't they? My holiday weekend was intentionally quiet. I hung out here, spent the day with a local friend's family, and accompanied the same friends to see Wicked (probably not something I would have sought out on my own, but fun).

In between times were spent in necessary rest. I was very sick at the beginning of November with what has turned out not to be a bad virus, as it appeared to be at the time, but the start of a flare of a chronic condition (basically this) that previously hadn't bothered me at all in several years. The net result is that for most of the time since then I've been feeling tired, dizzy, queasy and generically lousy with a smattering of aches, pains, sensitivities, weird skin stuff, and hamburger cravings. (Seriously. When the condition is active it messes with my blood counts, and I'm currently anemic enough that red meat is a far better pick-me-up than coffee.) It could be far worse, but there's no quick way to deal with it, so, best case, I'm anticipating a few more weeks or months of generalized Bleh (thankfully, not unmitigated Bleh; some days are better than others).

So, anyway, I'm relieved that I can do this week's piling in my head while lying on the couch. It finally snowed here last night, so I've pulled out the last of the winter-wear. I also broke my snow brush shoveling out this morning. Grr.

Breath: Piles.

• Coats: Good. I have a couple to get rid of, too.
  
• Gloves and hats: Need a better hat (got plans); another pair of leather gloves would also be good.
  
• Scarves worn primarily for warmth rather than for decoration: Good.
  
• Shoes and boots: need to replace brown loafers.
  
• Socks and stockings: re-evaluating my sock strategy. But good for now.
  
• Purses: Good.
  

Bones: One button to sew on, and lots of shoe polishing. Not done yet.

Head: Evaluate the workability of current maintenance equipment and arrangements.
Decided to get a larger drying rack. Otherwise, everything seems to be fine, which means that any resistance to maintenance I still experience is strictly internal.

Heart: Where Wende gets tough:

• What's your Status Symbol? That is, what quality do you want people to value you for?
• Do you want this quality to be reflected in your wardrobe? You're allowed to say "no." It's possible that the role of your wardrobe is to fit in quietly, rather than to make a statement.
• If you want this quality reflected in your attire, how?
  
• Is there any garment or accessory that you always wear? If so, what does it represent to you? What about items that you frequently wear or that you ritually wear on certain occasions?

a) I want people to regard me as intelligent in a manner that's worth respecting.

b & c) I don't want this quality to be countermanded by my wardrobe, so if something about my wardrobe were working against me, I'd want to change it, but otherwise, I'm not up to engineering a message.

d) I wear hoop earrings 95% of the time. Optimum size is 0.5"-0.75". I don't know that they represent anything in particular, but anything with more or less motion (i.e., studs or dangly things, respectively) just doesn't feel right. Out of habit, I also always wear a wristwatch and rings, though my hands have been too swollen for the latter in recent weeks (see above).

Week 3 - Bottoms, Jackets

Week 3 Tasks

Heart: Start your I Feel Pretty Routine.
This one is always kind of tough, because I'm the type to just do what I do and not get that worked up about it. I put the routine in routine. However, it has lately become hand exfoliation season once again, so I've made sure I'm stocked up on gritty potions.

Breath: Do your Piles.
See below.

Bones: Keep up on repairs and cleaning for this category.
Check. 3 pr. pants with little fixies; two jackets taken to tailor.

Head: Check into places to donate or consign unwanted clothing.
I've got a place. Just took a load to the car to drop off tomorrow afternoon.

Piles

Torture Devices
Skirts: Brown floral. Too short, too lightweight, but a good shape. I'm keeping it as a model.
Dresses: Black sheath. Not proportioned right, but it's staying for now.
Jackets: The autumnal houndstooth. It's not living up to its potential as outerwear, and the shape and proportions are still miserable. It's becoming a handbag. There's plenty more tweed in the world.

Torture Devices and Rabbit

Velveteen Rabbits
Pants: 3 pr. pants repaired prior to posting. Old jeans - need to get them out of the closet and parceled out as work clothes.
Jackets: Not properly rabbits, but Red and gray blazers need to finally be taken for sleeve alteration.
Dresses: Brown denim shirt dress. It's worked hard for over 7 years, and it shows.

Stalwart Staples
Pants: Pinstriped, brown, gray, reparable rabbits from above. Jeans. Very uninteresting.
Skirts: Black, gray, navy, denim. Knee-length. Fairly uninteresting.
Jackets: Camel corduroy, black and white tweed, black, reparable rabbits from above.
Dresses: Green corduroy shirt dress.

The Jackets

Superstars
Jackets: Most of the blazers have promise, which is why they're all hanging around even though I don't have frequent use for them at the moment.
Dresses: Brown and teal lace dress. Handmade vintage brown dress from a Boston area thrift store.

Dresses: Superstars and Staple

Same Time, Next Year
Pants: Fleece-lined jeans, exclusively used for snow shoveling.
Dresses: Two dresses and a suit that are exclusively special occasion.

Dresses: STNY (left) and SJ (right)

Sentimental Journeys
Dresses: Two dresses that are lovely but no longer relevant. Just need to let go.

Mysteries of the Lost Shopping Trip

• Long denim skirt. Too long, too stiff.
  
• Long evening skirt - not the sort of thing I need, and not especially flattering.
• Denim skirt that's just too...blue. It looks like denim in a comic strip.
• Odd vintage suit - would look less incongruous on My Sister the Blond Artist, if it fits her. (J. - you reading this? Do you like it?)

Mysteries

Priorities

• Black pants. They rabbited last spring and I seriously don't know how I've been getting dressed every morning.
• Day dresses. They suit me, but they've slowly all gone away.
• A black skirt in a flared/A-line style wouldn't be a bad addition.
  

WT for the Feline-Americans

My parents came to visit me this summer and became infatuated with my cat. Well, perhaps that's overstating it, but certainly they were approval-seeking in the way one does with animals and very young relatives with whom one wishes to cuddle. Anyhow, I knew I'd lost them when, mere weeks, nay, days after meeting her, they bought her a present for my birthday.

Before you suggest it, no, I don't think it's transference of some longing for grandchildren. On the contrary, I think they've embraced the fact that both of their children are entirely too stubborn to get married as reassurance that they're not old enough to be grandparents. As My (little) Sister the Blond Artist is nearly 26, this is obviously not true; additionally, by the unfortunate sociological standards of Rustingham, New York, where they live, they're plenty old enough to be great-grandparents of a fourth-grader. (They're under 55. It's just that kind of town.)

Cuter than a grandchild, and no diapers!

All that to say that dear Lexi has been invited to the family estate for Christmas. Though we haven't traveled together for any such distance, her temperament has settled such that I don't foresee it being a problem. In preparation, though, I did buy her a collar and ID tag, figuring I'd better give her a little time to get used to wearing them. And with that last idea, I was decidedly on target. Two problems:

1. She's very small, even for Siamese, who run lean. I'm not sure of her exact weight, but it's under seven pounds. I thought I might have to go back to the pet store for a kitten collar, but the one I bought adjusts down just small enough.
   
   
2. She is also, by vehemently held personal conviction, a nudist.

She was not enthusiastic about this collar idea. Not at all. After a great deal of vigorous head-shaking, she tried to back out of it by marching backward around the entire navigable perimeter of the apartment. In the coup de grace, she managed to slide her jaw under the collar, but then couldn't get it any farther off, and so was wearing it as a gag. This was a crisis. I was on the phone with my dad at the time, and had to tell him, "Hold on, the cat is ramming her head against the wall." (I did manage to adjust it down smaller after that, so I think we can avoid that problem in future).

Pictured: Cat, Torture Device.

Fortunately, we've had better luck since then, so I think that in a month we'll be all set to drive across Ohio.

More Christmas Catalogs

The latest batch of mail-order frivolity doesn't disappoint.

First, there's the paper catalog from Art.com. Web retailers crossing into print, or brick-and-mortar, isn't new - I recall getting newspaper circulars for Amazon several years ago - but it still triggers my nose-wrinkle reflex. It doesn't help that they've chosen to put in their paper catalog only those pieces of merchandise most reminiscent of those oversized printed canvases for sale in the wall decor department of Bed, Bath & Beyond. Where, in any house, does one hang a 28"x36" photo of Marilyn Monroe? Or a giant painting of a martini? Or a reproduction watercolor of agave?

The artist specializes in beverage depictions.

Then there's Levenger - Neiman Marcus for the bookish set. They're kind of an easy target, with their full-grain calfskin desk accessories, hand-planed mahogany lap desks, and bookends at $300 a pair. But they've always got something new and fun to look at, like:

A bronze penguin pen stand ($128)...


...bleachers for your index cards (cherry veneer, $58)...


...and, of course, a comic book graphic novel about...Winston Churchill.


I've also gotten an inordinate number of Eddie Bauer catalogs, but they don't really sell anything weird, unless you count the dude gifts (solar-powered radios, travel shaving kits, mini-multi-tools), but this time of year, those are pretty much everywhere.

Week 2 - Tops

Week 2 Tasks

Breath. PILE your tops.
See below.

Heart. Identify which of your Joyous Colors you want to add to your tops.
At least a purple cardigan.

Bones. Fix the Velveteen Rabbits that would be Superstars or Stalwart Staples. Replace foundation garments that have foundered.
Check! I'm bound and determined to fix the rabbits as I go along this time.

Head
Start securing your supply lines.
I think I've got a good handle on this.

Piles

In addition to being the size of an $1,000 studio apartment in certain Manhattan neighborhoods, my bedroom closet has far better lighting than my bedroom itself, so that's where I'm taking pictures.

Torture Devices
I always get compliments on the cowl-neck sweater (they're good colors), enough so that it's hard to let it go...but it's itchy! There's also a brown cotton one around that's just shapeless and lumpy. Green button-down shirt that was always too narrow in the shoulders (note: no shirts from Lands' End) and then shrank.

Torture Devices and Rabbit

Velveteen Rabbits
Three sweaters repaired prior to this posting. I need to keep an eye on all the fine-gauge turtleneck sweaters, as they get pretty heavy rotation, and none are exactly new.

Cable knit apple green cardigan (above) is showing its age. I tried to replace it last year, but I don't like the new version as much. It probably won't make it out the door yet.

Stalwart Staples
Cream and black turtlenecks, various short sleeved things used as a base layer. I could use some more neutrals in the latter category. Black and brown cardigans. Several sweaters for preppy-ish layering. Speaking of which, I need something white and collared. White shirts are disastrous on me just because I'm too messy, but having at least one would make a bunch of things a lot easier. I just have to be disciplined not to wear it when I know I shouldn't.

Staples and Superstars. If you have unusually keen vision, you will notice copious quantities of a) cat hair and b) Ann Taylor Loft labels.

Superstars
Fine gauge turtleneck sweaters in mostly jewel tones (purple, blue, red, camel, brown) and cardigans (orange, red). Need more in the latter (purple, maybe leaf green). Some of these have one foot in Stalwart Staples.

Same Time, Next Year
Little gold blouse, turns a couple of suits into evening. It should probably hang on that side of the closet, with the cocktail dresses, rather than on this side, with the sweaters.

Sentimental Journeys
None, except for a logo polo, which can go.

Mysteries of the Lost Shopping Trip

• Teal cardigan that's too long/young/casual. It's fairly new but I feel self-conscious and sloppy wearing it.
• One short sleeved shirt that I'm just going to let go now, since it will still be puzzling me in the spring, and I'm not expecting to have to dress up as a farm hand (which is the effect it has) between now and then.
  
• Off-white sweater. I don't want to wear it, and I should know better than to buy a sweater that color.

Mysteries

Priorities

• At least one more brightly colored cardigan (likely purple).
• White collared shirt (note: look for sleeveless version in spring).
• Keep eyes open for deals on turtleneck sweaters in my colors and textures. Members of the current lineup, like the Boomers, are still hard at work, but will be drawing Social Security before you know it.
  

Week 1 Tasks

For completeness...

Week 1 Tasks

Bones: Get completely caught up on laundry you can do yourself. If trips to the dry-cleaner are relatively routine for you, catch up on that, too.
Done! Except for a few things that are still drying. Everything else is put away, even the dust rags. My intention this time around is to get my laundry routine re-established once and for all.

Breath: ... just get something de-accessioned.
One patterned skirt (something I should never buy) and one strange cotton blazer.

Heart: Do something pampering for yourself.
I scheduled a haircut, that'll have to do right now.

Head: Find a source of clothing pictures that you enjoy looking at.
A variation...as the Christmas clothing catalogs come in, I'm making a point to look at them, even ones I'd usually ignore. I can be trusted to do this without actually shopping.

Week 2 piles shortly - I'm strangely motivated.

Quagmire Style (Statement)

I was intrigued when I first heard about the Style Statement concept, as developed by Carrie McCarthy & Danielle LaPorte, at The Happiness Project last year (Gretchen is "Constructive Insouciant"), and then it was fun to read about SCB's Style Statement ("Refined Creative") adventure a few months back. Then a few weeks ago, Gretchen posted an interview with Carrie and Danielle, and I decided it would be fun to look into this for myself. (Note: if unfamiliar check SCB's or Gretchen's posts for the background and concept - since there are already summaries out there, I won't rehash.)

I found the book at one of the local libraries, but it didn't take much time browsing it to realize that I'd need to scribble all over this thing to make it work for me, so I broke down and bought a copy. In format, the book is a sort of wide-ranging, free-form workbook. It asks loads of probing questions, organized in various ways, interspersed with case studies - profiles and Style Statement definitions of various real people. Reading the case studies was nearly as significant to the process as answering the questions, because they presented a huge number of verbal concepts and traits to contemplate as you look for the ones that apply to you.

Yes, I had a bit of trouble with the authors' preferred language - that of a certain variety of New Age bathos for which I have little patience. I could go on at some great length complaining about gag-inducing phrases like, "the divine audacity of dreaming big," and, "authenticity magnifies and heals and delights," which would typically induce me to drop-kick the book through the window of the nearest independent coffee shop right in the middle of their Tuesday night all-female poetry jam. But I was interested enough in the basic concept to stick with it anyway, and it could have been far worse. (Yes, I'm holding back.)

Notwithstanding the above, I really did enjoy the exercise. There are a ton of questions, and some are much easier to answer than others - but, of course, some question that leaves me scratching my head might be the key to the whole for someone else. I loved that the questions covered both, "What Works Well for Me," and, "What Does Not Work Well for Me" (those are actual headings under each section). Some themes emerged pretty readily as I was answering the questions, and they didn't surprise me much. Some recurrent notions (from both the positive and negative sides):

• Ease
• Order
• Low-Maintenance (a craving)
  
• Respect
• Systems
• Solitude
• Intimacy
  
• Quiet (as in, not loud)
  
• Thinking (as an action)
• Ideas (as objects)
• Connections
  
• Freedom (a couple of different sorts)
• Space (mostly figurative)
  
• Avoidance/Evasion/Escapism/Withdrawal
  
• Functionality (the supreme value)
• Idealism (as in, what annoys me)
• Sentimentality (as in, what else annoys me)
  

Of course, none of those ideas is wholly new to my conception of Me, so I had to pause to ask whether I was getting through this too easily. Am I just generating the answers I expect to see? Or, am I fixating on concepts that, due to present circumstances, I'm particularly feeling the burden and/or lack of right now? Possibly - but I honestly do think they're all pretty Authentic (in Style Statement parlance) and representative of the greater part of me. And I did make a few new connections. At one point I found myself writing, "Books contain ideas, and ideas are what I take with me when I go to live inside my head." Oh. That's why I have so many books.

The first style statement word, the Foundation, is meant to represent 80% of your self, your essence, your first nature. It's also meant to apply to physical things - things associated with conventional meanings of "style." Looking at the ideas I'd communicated through the question exercises, I was able to get a feel for what my Foundation should express: intentional order, ease, connections between elements, an attraction and devotion to the things that work and make sense, balance.

The appendices contain extensive definitions (like this one) for 40 or so Foundation words. Once I'd narrowed my concepts down to a few possibilities, I went over the definitions with a highlighter and pen, lining the statements that were a strong match, and redlining the ones that were no match. With the results of that exercise, the answer was easy to see.

The second word, your Creative Edge, represents 20% of your self, your image and persona. If the Foundation is "what" you most basically are, the Creative Edge describes "how" you are that "what." Carrie and Danielle offer a long list of Creative Edge starter options, and advise you to sit down with the list and a dictionary and thesaurus (!) and all your answers. Again, given the ideas I'd generated and the explanation of the Creative Edge concept, I figured out what my Creative Edge should relate: thought, as both an activity and an approach; ideas, as tools and playthings and things to just look at; mind, as both concept and place. Abstraction. Ideation. Cerebral existence.

So, after tweaking and trying on and so forth, what seems to work is:

Composed Intellective

Carrie and Danielle's definition of Composed is here. One key bit: "Inner peace and feeling “at home” are synonymous to them." Intellective is the word I use when I mean Intellectual (as in cerebral) but need to avoid socio-cultural baggage - but in this case, I think there are nuanced differences that make it the more precise option.

On balance, this was definitely a worthwhile exercise, though it's time consuming and occasionally frustrating. Compared to other systems of self-analysis (self-labeling?), this is organic - if you're looking for another form of, "Take this fifty-item quiz and sort yourself into one of our four (or nine or sixteen) types," that's not what you'll find here. And I think that's probably a good thing every once in awhile.

A few more thoughts on fashion retail.

1. One unanticipated consequence of the current trend of un-clothing is that, if you happen to be in an unfamiliar department store and actually searching for the lingerie department, you might spot a garment from a distance that looks right and head towards it...

...and find yourself in "Better Sportswear."

2. Wilson's Leather sells dresses. Not leather dresses, ordinary dresses. Calvin Klein. It would have been nice to know that before.

3. From the "Secure Your Supply Lines" files: as I was walking into Target on Saturday for some essentials, I realized with mild chagrin that my entire outfit came from Target. I mean, that's just where I get things like shorts and socks and tank tops and headbands. I tried to collect my cat litter and toilet paper without looking too self conscious.

4. While doing some bookkeeping, I found the credit slip from when I bought my Austin wedding dress at Carson's. The dress appears on the receipt as, "MODERATE DRESSES." Is this the brand for which we've all been searching?

Meme Day - Part 2

My initial reaction to Wende's Fashion Rag meme was, "Hm, if anybody actually has anything to say about this, I'll be very interested to hear the answers, but I bet nobody does." I'm not sure my answers are interesting, but here they are.

1. What's your favorite magazine on "women's" issues, e.g., fashion, beauty, relationships?
None. I've never read any regularly, or even often enough to be able to tell the difference between them. At the salon, etc., I'll sooner look for something more shelter-oriented, even if it's Better Homes & Gardens. Whenever I've ingested the fashion, etc., material, it's most often been from the internet. The rise of the populist web coincided with late high school for me, so perhaps if I were a bit older I would have read more magazines.

2. If you do read 'em, what gives your favorite its status? If you don't, why not?
Why not: the way-over-the-top sexuality they all feature so prominently. Aside from the "I don't need that garbage" factor, it indicates a foundational worldview quite different from my own, so how useful would any of the advice actually be for me anyway?

3. What's the best piece of advice you ever got from a fashion magazine?
Everything I know about makeup I probably learned from magazines (and the occasional library book, and the web), because nobody ever taught me. Considering how few of them I've ever read, I suppose I'm fortunate to know anything at all.

4. What's the first fashion magazine you can remember reading?
Honestly no idea. Sometime in my late teens they stopped feeling so much like declasse contraband, and I decided I didn't need to feel guilty if there was no Readers' Digest available in the dentist's waiting room.

5. What's your most memorable experience with a fashion mag?
1. Hanging out with a high school friend who was obsessed by magazine quizzes and had accumulated enough of them to keep us occupied all night after a school dance.
2. During college - one very memorable instant messenger conversation with dearest G (my guy friend) when he discovered that Cosmo had gotten something right about the male mind. As I recall, the article asked something like, "What physical trait in women do guys find most important/attractive? Hair, legs, earlobes, or what?" Cosmo came to the brilliant conclusion that Different Guys Like Different Things. This was a breakthrough.

6. What fashion mag have you read regularly for the longest stretch (at any point in your life)?
NA, unless you count the few months I used a gym with a subscription to Lucky, which contains nothing but pictures of pretty things to buy. I don't remember exactly when that was, but I recall lots of photos of candy-colored leather.

7. What beauty moves cause you, in retrospect, to laugh nervously and change the subject?
I've probably worn too much makeup on a few occasions...and not enough on others...but honestly, I've never habitually done anything distinctive enough to be embarrassing. As a child and adolescent, I was convinced that being outlandish, or even style-conscious generally, was juvenile and pathetic. As a result, until I was old enough to buy my own clothes, I wore a lot of things that I utterly hated, because telling my mother that yellow corduroy was really not the done thing in the third grade would have undermined my self-imposed concepts of respectability, and I decided it was better to suffer through it and wait it out, since even then I knew I would eventually become a Real Person (i.e., an adult) and allowed to dress myself without risk of being found precocious. On the upside, I never had feathered hair or body glitter, and only wore blue nail polish to pep rallies.

8. Would you change your image if you were a different size?
Unlikely. Individual garments might change, but the basic concept would hold.

9. Are you ever going to post a picture of yourself?
Not more than I have already, unless I come up with an extraordinarily good reason.

I know the secret!

The secret to fashion retail karma, it seems, is complaining loudly to everyone who will listen about how impossible it is to find anything to buy. In addition to you lovely ladies, I also whined about outfitting myself for the sauna wedding to two Boston friends on the phone, several people at Sunday lunch, all my coworkers, and my mother.

After work today I stopped at Carson's (it's right across the street...) for no discernible reason - I'd found no luck there last week, but I guess I didn't feel like going straight home, and, oddly, didn't have any reading material to take to the Starbuck's Conference Center. Turns out there was a whole section of dresses there I'd missed the first time around (not surprising in the particular layout of that store, which I don't visit often), and I found something there with an actual potential to work. Such a special occasion that you get an actual modeled photo.

Got the shoes there too, on steep discount. It doesn't look like the sort of thing that would be so hard to find, does it? I think it could stand to be accessorized with some color - any ideas?

I'll probably stop in at State Street Macy's/Field's* and big Carson's when I'm downtown for the book fair this weekend, but given that I found exactly one realistic possibility out of two dozen stores out this way, I'm not holding my breath for anything exciting.

*Check out the interior pics in that link. It really still looks like that, so it's always worth a visit when you're in the neighborhood. Marshall Field's was bought by Federated a couple years ago, so it's now a Macy's - meaning that Chicago's flagship Macy's has a ceiling by Louis Comfort Tiffany.

Phrases I never thought I'd use to describe actual objects in the real world, Installment 37

"cable-knit sandals"

I wish I'd taken a picture.

Things I didn't say aloud at the mall tonight.

(Yes, I did regain my ability to walk painlessly.)

• Cotton dress with poly lining - for those days when you want all the wrinkles, but none of the breath.
  
  
• You know, if I could ever muster the nerve, that strapless "dress" would make a great skirt.
  
  
• I hate this building. I didn't know Escher designed shopping malls.
  

• Note to designers: Seersucker. OR eyelet. Not both. That's just wrinkled embroidery with puncture wounds.
  
  
• Excuse me miss, do you carry this in Not Ugly?
  
  
• Has Macy's stopped carrying women's clothing during its remodel? That seems like a fairly bad idea. (They hadn't, but they did hide the department remarkably well.)
  
  
• Pardon me, high school girl, but has anyone told you that the micro-mini bubble skirt you're wearing with five inch spike heeled pumps and a Nirvana t-shirt looks like a diaper? Besides, Nirvana? You weren't even born yet.
  
  
• Ralph Lauren has gone colorblind.
  
  
• And Calvin Klein has decided that a good way to keep strapless dresses from falling down is to line the upper bodice with latex. Ouch!
  
  
• (At Macy's): That's a cute skirt...wait a minute, that's the dress from H&M. (I'm dead serious. It was the same item.)
  
  
• Note to designers: Just because you can make it out of jersey, doesn't mean you should.
  
  
• Ditto terrycloth. Ew.
  
  
• Why is this size 6 twice as wide as that size 12?
  
  
• Speaking of which, don't you carry any sizes other than 6 and 12?
  
  
• Never mind, here's an 18. Still with the multiples though.
  
  
• Talbots clerks have been hitting the Starbucks hard.
  
  
• Maybe if I scribble out the 1 on the 18, it'll fit...
  
  
• Note to designers: I don't care how short you make it; it's still a mu mu!
  
  
• Too Prom.
  
  
• Too short.
  
  
• Pink. (All pink is too pink.)
  
  
• Too mother-of-the-bride.
  
  
• WAY too Doris Day.
  
  
• This could have been Liberace's favorite table cloth.
  
  
• Polka Dot. Polka Dot Polka Dot. Polka Dot. Polka Dot. Polka Dot.
  
  
• Isn't it cute how in Sears men's sportswear is right outside hardware?
  

Non-Windows Shopping

Despite risking the Wrath of SCB (why am I not that scared...?), I can't think of anything remotely interesting to say about my accessories. I did, however go shopping this evening. I visited some real department stores for the first time in...longer than I had realized, apparently.

The mall, like all other forms of chain retail, is right across the street from my office, and I needed to go dress shopping. I needed to go dress shopping because my special occasion wardrobe, though seemingly more than adequate for the demands of my lifestyle, has never until now been called upon to outfit me for a formal morning Chinese Jewish wedding in Austin in mid-July. Actually, I doubt my wardrobe has ever been called to outfit me for anything in Austin in mid-July. Meteorologically, I try to ignore that things like "Austin" and "July" exist at all. The one dress I had that would have worked best departed when this round of WT made me acknowledge that it was doing me no favors. Its fault was that it took off about 15 years, which would make it highly desirable in some contexts, but I'm still young enough that people 15 years younger than me have no business attending black tie events.

Anyhow, back to the stores. Clearly, a revolution has been going on in the field of materials engineering, and I never even heard about it. Never have I seen so many different fibers tortured into resembling third rate parachute nylon.

I also got to witness the degradation of Jones Brands that Wende's been so diligently reporting. Sad.

Apparently the goal of summer clothing is to simulate nudity. Is it still called a neckline if it reaches the bottom of your ribcage?

Somehow or other I injured myself stepping off the escalator in Lord & Taylor, so I had to limp out after hitting only a few stores. So far I've failed to find anything suitable that's stocked in my size, but there's lots more mall to cover. And it's right across the street.

and Whomp.

I know I hinted I was going to answer the previous question, despite not playing very much this round, but once I had written it I decided that what I wanted to say wasn't what needed to be said.

So I'm posting this mainly for the opportunity to say how awestruck I am by the responses so far to the latest question. That means you, zooza, scb, anne and lorijo. (If anybody else has answered, I'm sorry to have missed you.) I was going to comment individually at each, but couldn't come up with much beyond "wow." The honesty, insight and growth amaze me. Everyone has such a fascinating story.

The Question:

What helps you feel like you're worth taking trouble over?

I'm close to concluding that my emotional centers just don't work that way on this topic, but I'll try. I think my bottom line answer is the same as lorijo's - I'm enough for me, but in such a way that I don't bother thinking about it much. The times I've been guilty of "that will do for now," have been less, "that's good enough for li'l ol' me," or "I should buy this 'cause it's cheap," so much as, "If I have to try on one more stupid pair of black pants that won't fit I will set fire to this shopping mall right now." And I know we've all been there.

And doing what I need to do - what I'm satisfied with doing - is mostly habit. I wear some makeup most days - it probably takes about three minutes and is part of the routine, so it requires only slightly more thought than brushing my teeth. My clothes currently do what I need them to do, and are in adequate supply - there's some tweaking I have planned, but if for some reason I couldn't do it, I'd be ok. But getting to that point was a process, and I suppose it's one I wouldn't have gone through if I didn't think it worth the trouble. The system isn't perfect, but it's good enough that producing a reasonable result on the the I-feel-icky days doesn't require too much more energy than on the others.

I do have one story, though, that's somewhat relevant and that puzzles me a bit. I had an extended period of rather mysterious illness starting shortly after I turned 25. Long story short, the diagnosis was a nonspecific syndrome that most closely resembles a mild form of this. (And I do mean mild, comparatively speaking - that article is pretty scary and I had almost none of those symptoms. Also, I've been basically healthy for a good while now, save occasional mild aches and pains and still needing noticeably more sleep than I did before.)

Oddly, during that first year, when I was feeling the worst, I found myself taking a bit more care in my appearance. Nothing huge, effort-wise - my most consistent symptom was extreme fatigue, and I was averaging 15 hours of sleep per day at that point - but things like choosing slightly more formal clothing for work, and wearing different jewelry. I know that some women specifically try harder to look better as a way of making themselves feel better when needed, but for me it was unintentional, and at first, unconscious. I suppose dressing down would have made it harder to stay awake, if that were possible.

I do remember getting a lot of compliments during that time, and thinking it might be some sort of weird Victorian frail woman thing. There were also many occasions when I told people about the situation and they were surprised and said I actually been looking unusually well. Which is flattering, but not what you expect to hear when you're on an extended course of steroids and multiple other drugs and have barely felt like getting out of bed for the past six months. I teased my rheumatologist that his standard line was, "You look great! Now let me take your blood."

Anyhow, I ponder that phenomenon (as well as the whole experience) occasionally, and still don't know quite what that was about. I'll accept it as an odd blessing of a difficult time. I have a feeling that something about it is connected to my best answer to this question, but I'm not sure how.

Pst...Wende...that makes at least five. Spill the beans.

Winterwear: Single Digit Edition

Temperatures this weekend have broken into positive values by late afternoon. The heat was broken at church this morning. Yeah.

Anyhow, here's some new cold weather wear. The (joyous teal) scarf I made mostly over Christmas vacation, and is pictured here with some Nepalese glittens, purchased by my father at some sort of head shop at the Rustingham mall. They still smell like patchouli.

I crochet mostly as a means of keeping myself sitting still while watching movies or otherwise pretending to be sociable. A close-up of the texture:

Wardrobe Wrap-Up

Shamelessly pilfering Wende's format:

My Look
I'm still clinging fiercely to Wende's brunching intellectual, which sums it up beautifully. Modern but moderate tailoring. Clean lines. Straightforward details. Understated, but unambiguous. Not cute. Not fun. Never fun. I am not fun, and fun is not me.

My Joyous Colors
Autumnal. Earthy and jewel tones, with warm undertones. Often darker. Contrast is good. Black is the neutral, because of my coffee habit and because it matches itself far more willingly than any of the alternative neutrals commonly deemed more suitable for autumn-colored people.

My Shapes
Well...shapes that acknowledge the fact that my waist is and will always be a minimum of one size smaller than the rest of me, regardless of my weight. Although, ostensibly, this should be fashionable, finding fashion to accommodate it is far more difficult than it ought to be. Curviness has this in common with tallness, I perceive.

My Patterns and Textures
Um...I never actually thought about it...but...I have a striped shirt...I think...

Ok, I checked: two striped shirts, a tweedish jacket, and a couple of warm-weather dresses in what's probably best described as abstract floral. One very fine wale corduroy shirtdress, and several sweaters with narrow ribs and cables. That's it. Everything else is flat and solid. I didn't realize this until trying to answer this question, but it's fine by me.

My Fibers
I'm a pragmatist. If it works, it works, and if it doesn't, it doesn't - whether it originated from a Saudi oil rig or the back of a bottle-fed alpaca is beyond secondary. And, in all honesty, my inner engineer thinks it's pretty nifty how they can get rayon and polyester to emulate so many different things.

My Level of Maintenance
Moderate. I can get ready for most occasions in less than 30 minutes without skipping anything. Having agreeable hair helps.

My Sources
I've always espoused the notion that excessive bargain hunting for basics is false economy - that having standard sources at an appropriate price point for the things you really need and/or want is, in the long run, far more effective and economical than perpetually trying to achieve the same ends by devotion to discount clearance. It wasn't until I acknowledged that staples basically compose my entire wardrobe that I finally broke free from the more dissatisfying shopping patterns. Post-season clearance can indeed be a wonderful thing, but it's not the place to find a size 8 black cashmere pullover, so you'll torture yourself by trying and probably end up buying something else which will be no good at all. I'm still a bargain hunter, and my budget is moderate, but permission to pay retail in the right places has, for the most part, netted me a more satisfying and less expensive wardrobe.

That said, my favorite sources are unremarkable:

• Old Navy for summer casual - tank tops, camisoles, t-shirts. Never for bottoms. Gap and its affiliates are the prime offenders in the "let's construct clothes for cylindrical women" category.
• Target for a slightly finer finish on the above (especially Ts); also for socks and stockings.
• Eddie Bauer for more and more every year - they reach far beyond ski bunny sweaters. The cut just works right for me.
• Kohls, for offering up with extraordinary frequency $8.00 impulse buys that turn into superstars. I don't think I've ever made a Mystery purchase there, which is saying a lot for anyone, anywhere. Also, everything's on sale all the time, and the clearance section is the size of my local Walgreens. Yes, this makes it the notable exception to the principle expressed above.
• TJMaxx, out of long-standing habit from years of Bostonianism. They're often good for fine-gauge turtleneck sweaters. :)

My Personal Classics (Colder Weather Version)
Ignoring the basic items necessary for going outside:

• Black, wool blend, straight, flat trousers. Also gray, brown and navy.
• Black, suiting-weight skirt, pencil or A-line. If A-line, navy could work instead. I don't know why.
• The ubiquitous fine-gauge turtleneck sweater(s). Joyous color(s). In order of desirability and actual frequency of appearance: Cashmere, merino blend, cotton/nylon. Each has its place.
• Black wool cardigan.
• Vibrantly colored cardigan (currently lime, cable-knit, cotton). Can be worn alone. Or not.
• Moderately-styled, black boots. Blockish heel, around 2".
• Brown leather loafers. Same heel concept as boots.
• Gold hoop earrings. 1" diameter, 1/4" wide.
• Long black wool overcoat. It relates logically to my fine-gauge turtleneck-based uniform, and is equally "me."
  

My Expectation of My Clothes
Slavish devotion. I don't want my clothes to look good. I want them to make me look good. And I want them to do all the work. For me, making things work is not an adventure, it's a gesture of desperation. Coordination is not a recreational activity. Any garment which requires the condition of "with the right outfit" is underqualified.

This was fun. Thanks to Wende; congratulations and great work to everyone!

Lotions, Potions, and Optical Physics (Part 2)

As promised, now I'll tell you what I buy, and why. I fear it shall be dull, but hopefully I can capture my process of reasoning. Your mileage may vary, as always.

Pre-Makeup:

1. Cleanser. The mags are fond of telling us that Cetaphil is the supermodel's biggest drugstore secret. I have no idea if this is true, but it works for me. It doesn't have any of the common irritants I make a point to avoid; it's clear, rather than creamy or bar (as the stuff that make creams creamy and bars solid can present their own problems for the skin). I use the "for normal to oily skin" version, since that's suitable to my skin, and because the other formulations are allegedly no good at makeup removal. Target makes a clone. (The brand also produces some fairly amazing moisturizing creams. My college roommate had severe eczema, and we typically had gallons of the stuff sitting around the apartment.)
   
   
   
2. Moisturizer/Sunscreen. My pet issue. Sunscreen is a tough one because there's so much in it to which skin can take a potential disliking. Too often, it also features a nauseating coconut oil scent and slimy or sticky texture, which is rather a discouragement from using it - a problem, given how important it is. It also has a habit of not being formulated to do quite what the label appears to say, despite its labeling being more regulated than most cosmetic products'. This one has the feeling of an ordinary lotion and no discernible scent, doesn't bother my skin, and is technically adequate, so it's a keeper for everyday wear. I do keep something with a higher SPF for heavy-duty outdoorsy things, but those seem to become more rare every year. I don't use this at night, and don't currently find a need to use a separate moisturizer then, so I can't comment on any of those.
   
   Here's my very basic brain dump on sunscreen. Please note that in this context I refuse to comment on the Vitamin D issue or avobenzone instability. If the previous sentence made no sense to you, don't worry about it. Really.
   
   
   • Ultraviolet radiation exposure is the exclusive cause of most of the damage and/or aging that our skin suffers.
     
     
   • You can read all about electromagnetic radiation here, but the short version is this: visible light, UV radiation, microwaves, and radioactive decay are all exactly the same thing, with the only difference being wavelength.
     
     
     
     
     With uncharacteristic lucidity, the physics community
     has defined wavelength as, "the length of a wave."
     
     
   • UV varies in wavelength from 10-400 nanometers. It can also be divided into three subspectra: UVA, UVB, and UVC. UVC have the shortest wavelengths and would potentially be the most damaging to cells, but is blocked by the stratospheric ozone layer.
     
     
   • UVA and UVB (280-400 nm) are responsible for tanning, burning, aging and skin cancer. They say "A ages, B burns," but it's actually a little more complicated than that.
     
     
   • Individual sunscreen ingredients block specific subsets of UV wavelengths. To be effective, a sunscreen must contain sufficient amounts of a combination of ingredients that, cumulatively, block all the UVA and UVB wavelengths.
     
     
   • SPF is a measure of protection against UVB. SPF 15 basically means that, if you're wearing the product correctly (i.e., liberally applied) it will take 15 times as long in the sun to start to burn than it would if you were out with no sunscreen.
     
     
   • Liberal application is key. SPF rating is based on an application of 1 fluid ounce for complete (nude) coverage of an adult body. Naturally, just the face takes a lot less, but you can't be stingy and still expect results.
     
     
   • SPF 15 is pretty universally recommended as a minimum.
     
     
   • UVA is insidious. It penetrates plate glass and cloud cover.
     
     
   • There isn't a numeric rating for UVA protection. UVA protection is ensured by the presence of an active ingredient that blocks the full UVA spectrum.
     
     
   • Fortunately, there are currently only three of these approved for general use in the US, and only a couple others used abroad. The three in the US are titanium dioxide, zinc oxide, and avobenzone (a.k.a. Parsol 1789, a.k.a. butyl methoxydibenzoylmethane). Outside the US, you can also find Tinsorb and Mexoryl SX (a.k.a. ecamsule). One or more of these should be listed as an active ingredient.
     
     
   • It's possible for a sunscreen label to claim "UVA protection" while only providing protection across a portion of the UVA spectrum. You need full spectrum protection, and that requires the right ingredients.
     
     
   • There's no such thing as waterproof sunscreen. Sun-blocking ingredients can be bound in a water-resistant lotion, which helps some, but the active ingredients themselves aren't waterproof. That means re-apply.
     
     
   • Current thought is trending in such a way that state-of-the-art sun protection will soon also involve topical application of antioxidents. This is still emerging, and I don't yet know enough to say more about it.
     
     Bottom line: an adequate sunscreen will be rated at SPF 15 and will contain one of the UVA blocking ingredients listed above as an active ingredient. Apply liberally, and often.
     
   
   
3. What I need: a good beta hydroxy (salicylic acid) product. I haven't found a substitute for my previous product which vanished a few years ago, but I notice its absence. In adequate concentrations, salicylic acid is a wart remover; in more modest concentrations, it's a standard exfoliant. (Alpha hydroxy is water-soluble and suitable for drier skins, beta hydroxy is lipid-soluble and suitable for oiler skins.) There are lots of cleanser-type products with salicylic acid, but that's not really an appropriate carrier for the ingredient - it needs to stay on the skin, and doesn't do much good in a cleanser, which is immediately washed off.
   

Makeup:

1. Foundation. Of the correct texture and color, which doesn't bug my skin. You just have to try until you find something perfect. This has SPF too, which is generally advisable for anything liquid that goes on top of sunscreen.
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Lipstick. There are clones of this at every price point now, but I can't tell the slightest bit of difference between them, so I do the Cover Girl version. It stays on forever, or until you eat something oily. That means I sometimes have to rub down my lips with olive oil before bed. My color is a warm neutral called Canyon, which seems to be popular, judging by how often it's sold out.
   
   
3. Mascara. It usually comes in three colors: Black, Almost Black, and Very Black, all of which contrast too strongly with my normal lash coloring, so I generally buy whatever is for sale that comes labeled Brown. That typically reduces the options to two or three.
   
   
4. Brow pencil. Also brown, any normal pencil eyeliner will do.
   
   
5. Blush and eyeshadow - These aren't every day, I don't have loyalties here, but when I wear them I go neutral.
   

So ends what I suspect to be the most bizarrely mundane thing I've ever put on the internet. I do hope some of it had some value for somebody.