The Christmas (Catalog) Season

One of my minor ambitions in life is to reach the age of 30 without seeing Christmas merchandise for sale before my birthday (late August). Only one more year and I think I just might make it.

Surprisingly, given the slow retail environment, the stores don't seem to be as far into it even now as they could be this late in October. And the catalog deluge has only just started this week. I like Christmas catalogs, because it's amusing to see the sorts of things companies are trying to sell me now that they'd never bother with at any other time of year. Like toys.

I had a conflicted relationship with Christmas toy catalogs as a child. I found them a sort of taunt, because they always contained things I wanted to ask for, but couldn't. Not because I wasn't allowed to ask, or because my parents couldn't afford to get me anything. I just hated asking for things. I thought asking for things made me look childish, which, as a child, I considered a fate worse than death. For someone who had an utterly trauma-free childhood and basically perfect parents, I was rather neurotic for a pre-teen.

My Sister the Blond Artist, on the other hand, devoured the catalogs with glee, asking for everything on every page, blissfully ignorant of the wreckage she was making of her credibility. How, at the age of five, she could dare be so careless of her reputation, my nine-year-old mind simply could not comprehend. I lamented to share a house with such dissolution.

Now, one of my favorite amusements is flipping through the Christmas catalogs in search of the most outrageous, amazing, or just plain cool loot on the scene. Which, if you don't mind, I'm going to share with you.

First catalog to arrive was from Oriental Trading Company. Inflatable is the word this year:

If inflatable manger floats, you could use it to put on a baby Moses play in the spring. Inflatable donkey is clever. Inflatable magi gifts are pretty weird.

OTC also featured lines of products emblazoned with the slogans, "Jingle with Joy for Jesus!" and "Sound the Horn, He is Born!" And, of course, it wouldn't be Christmas morning without talking Mary and Jesus dolls under the tree:

They recite scripture verses and "tell their stories." Fully posable, batteries not included.

Next up is the American Girl catalog. Now, everything AG is pretty outrageous. You can buy your doll a bathrobe that costs twice as much as mine. The one point of interest is the Just Like You doll, which I think has been around for a couple of years. You pick the skin tone, the hair color, the eye color, and get a doll that looks, well, just like you. Unless your mother suffers from Liberal Guilt (which doubtless she does, if she has the money to buy you an American Girl) in which case you get a doll that looks like the housekeeper. (Did I just say that out loud? Shame on me.) Anyhow, what I found interesting is that it's impossible to get a Just Like You doll that looks just like me. Red hair and green eyes is an unauthorized combination.

I always liked Molly's fashion sense best.

Once you have your doll, you can get her accessories, like (deep breath): a cell phone, an ipod, a guitar, a pony, equipment for snowboarding, skateboarding, volleyball, soccer, tennis, golf, cheerleading, ice skating, hockey, gymnastics, ballet, and karate, a treehouse, a typewriter, a wheelchair (and crutches, ace bandages and a finger splint), Ugg boots, love beads, and a wheelbarrow. Oh, and, like, clothes and furniture. You know, doll stuff.

Last catalog to date was MindWare, an educational toy supplier, where I found THE most AWESOME thing EVER.

Math Scrabble. I think I'm in love.

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