Know Your Audience

Wende's spearheading the fun new Let's Design Literature Land game, and, insanely, I've signed up to create roller coasters based on Serious Literature. Assignment for Week 1: profile the consumer. I imagine the following folk strolling my corner of the park:

The carefree intelligentsia. Both likes and appreciates real literature; does not take self too seriously to visit amusement parks. Bored by bad books; merely ignores them. Gets all the snarky jokes in the park; takes it for granted. Visits Literature Land every summer and never really realizes there are other departments. Listens to NPR as much because Ira Glass would make an entertaining fishing partner as because CNN has nothing interesting to say. Secretly fantasizes about making out behind the big fiberglass statue of Cervantes. Finds it truly charming that the George Eliot and Thomas Pynchon attractions are next door to each other.

The Poseur. Generally aged 16-25. Tries very hard to be bored by bad books. Feels elite for knowing who Sartre was. Or, alternatively, feels elite for claiming an interest in existentialism, yet doesn't know who Sarte was. Believes in the genius of Salinger. Makes sure everyone in the vicinity knows that he gets all the snarky jokes. Listens to NPR for the bragging rights. Often majors in something like computer science, and imagines that an English degree involves as little work before graduation as it guarantees afterward. Snubs the George Eliot attraction while fawning over the Thomas Pynchon, while possessing only a passing familiarity with either. Nods knowingly upon reading this description - he knows a lot of people like that.

The starry-eyed reader. Nearly always female. Reads voraciously for pleasure. Defines "for pleasure" as "for entertainment." Read Anna Karenina at age 32, though, mercifully, not at Oprah's recommendation; was surprised by the ending. Authors blog entries along the lines of, "The Guermantes Way was sooooooo good!!!!!" Prefers Celine Dion CDs to NPR (while carpooling). Experiences imagined feminist pride on discovering that George Eliot was female. Has never heard of Thomas Pynchon. Genuinely believes there's no sex in Jane Austen.

High School English Teachers. Requires no explanation. Occasionally spotted with field trips.

Now, for a name...I suppose "Literature Land" would be the no-brainer choice, if it weren't already taken by the whole park. So I guess I have to be creative. We could go library-themed, something like The Stacks, but that's a bit self-conscious, and not terribly clear. We could concatenate the literary with theme park camp, for a result like Belles-Lettres Bayou...but actually, that sounds like an awkward tribute to Walker Percy. Or we could raid the dictionary of rhetoric and come up with something like Alley Anastrophe or Denouement Drive, both of which are vaguely ridiculous and difficult to pronounce. In other words, I could probably use some help. Cute names are not my forte - if ever I have children, I'll probably try to get away with numbering them.